How to remove emotional pain, alcoholism or drug abuse from your life!

All of us carry some level of emotional “baggage,” no matter who we are. This baggage, which reflects how intense our past emotional trauma was, can shape us in countless ways, including how we respond to everyday situations. It also affects the people around us, because many of us unconsciously act out “games” with loved ones and friends, as if we are secretly trying to solve inner problems without really understanding what is happening in our mind or why this baggage changes our reactions to daily events. I could describe this in endless different ways, because there are as many variations as there are people, but instead I want to focus on how to ease the pain it causes.

A common issue is that painful or traumatic memories become buried and forgotten as a form of self‑protection, almost as if the brain has its own separate survival system. You can think of three levels: first, our conscious mind, which is aware of what is happening around us; second, the part of the brain quietly running our body’s functions—muscle signals, heartbeat, blood oxygenation, wound healing, and countless other processes we barely notice; and third, another protective layer in the mind that steps in when our experiences would otherwise be too overwhelming to handle. As we grow older, it can become harder to remember why these protective responses began in the first place, even though they continue to shape how we behave in many everyday situations. Often we assume there are many different reasons for our pain, or we simply decide “that’s just who I am,” when in reality a significant part of it is our mind trying to keep us from shutting down or being crushed by emotional trauma so severe it could make us lose hope altogether. Without these mechanisms, humanity might not have survived.

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When these self‑preservation systems break down, many people turn to heavy drinking or various drugs to cope, so they do not have to feel the intense emotional pain that would otherwise be there. Through my own experience, and from observing and reading about others, I discovered a relatively simple way to release this pain more effectively, in a way that still works but does not harm the people we care about. The first step is the hardest: looking deeply within ourselves to identify the events that caused the pain and choosing to forgive either ourselves or the people involved. A wise woman (thank you, Maria) once told me that you cannot drive out hate with hate, only love can do that, echoing Martin Luther King’s famous words about darkness and light.

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The next challenge is the act of forgiveness itself—especially in situations like childhood abuse, where forgiving the abuser seems impossible. There are many reasons to try, starting with understanding that people like this, much like schoolyard bullies, are often repeating what was done to them and may barely understand their own behavior. If you look deeply enough, you can usually find a meaningful reason to forgive; the most powerful reason I found is that forgiveness releases your pain. It might sound unbelievable, but it is true. Another reason is that forgiveness removes the underlying cause for using alcohol or drugs to numb yourself; if the pain is gone, there is no longer a need to escape it. This approach can resolve severe addictions in a single stroke—I know because it is well documented and it worked for me, allowing me to become who I really am rather than an angry, hurting version of myself.

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If you cannot remember how your deep emotional pain began, you need to speak with someone qualified who can help you piece together this puzzle that, sadly, many people never solve. Think back to the child you once were, when life felt light and happiness came easily, and you may feel you owe it to that younger self to at least give this a try—there is nothing to lose. Lifelong addictions and intense psychological pain can be lifted from your life in a moment by following this advice, and I truly wish you the best in doing so; if you find it difficult, please reach out to me and I will gladly help if I can. Here is the surprising part: now that you have taken in this information, your inner conflicts may begin to resolve themselves subconsciously, without you needing to do anything more. In my case, it took about seven years from first learning this to becoming the happy person I used to be.